I was going to keep this to myself. But then, we clearly state on our website that it “chronicles our adventures, misadventures and everything in between“. This was definitely a misadventure. My best friend called it epic. My sister, Laura, recently called us out on the lack of misadventure reporting. As if our journey sounded suspiciously too good. I also need a break from writing about scenery and tacos.
If you get offended by TMI or bodily functions, then you should stop reading. Consider yourself warned.
This is for all the ladies out there.
The other night dinner involved chopping some jalapeños. Everyone is familiar with what happens if you touch your eyes after chopping hot peppers. Well, later that evening I needed to take care of the business of my Diva Cup. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, do this after chopping hot peppers. I set my lady bits on fire in the most uncomfortable way.
This should be put somewhere in the instructions or warning label. Later, when searching the internet on the topic, I found a woman reporting the pain worse than childbirth.
We were camping at the time so I had limited resources. I tried baby wipes. No help. Then I remembered Neosporin can be used on burns for pain relief. Nope. Neosporin is not for this kind of burning pain. I was left to lie in my discomfort and wait for it to pass, remembering all the times my Mom has said, “This too shall pass”. But Mom, how long is it going to friggin’ take?! You said that about puberty and that took YEARS!
If you’re wondering what Scott was doing this whole time….laughing. Like on the verge of peeing himself laughing. NOT HELPFUL! Though he did find the Neosporin for me, because at the time all I was able to do was a strange writhing dance behind the bushes with my pants down around my ankles.
So there you have it. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns out here on the road.